Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
