Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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