there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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