she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
