I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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