The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
