Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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