if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
