he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We are all done wearing pants today
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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