At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
