I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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