we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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