Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
