i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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