So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
