i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
