Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
