You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
