i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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