you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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