I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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