She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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