the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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