I just pynch a tree in the face
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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