Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just cropdusted the office
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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