He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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