I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
