I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
