can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
