I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
