I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
