U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
