we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
