you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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