Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
