I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my being single is dangerous.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
