it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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