Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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