Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
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