Swine flu. Run for my life!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
