shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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