We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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