This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Help. Why am I so naked?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
