I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
