do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
