This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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