I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
