My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just forgot I was standing up.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
