we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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