I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Im part way to drunk.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
