I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
