How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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